A Heart That Hurts
by Rayne Crimson
Summary: Four Letters. Three Unspoken Words. Two People. One Broken Heart.
1. Letter 1: Thru The Eyes of Ruby

**AUTHORS NOTE: This short and I mean REALLY short story was an experiment to see if I could write a series of letters just like my other story ****In Words So Hollow**** but that story was journal entries. If you haven't read it already you should check it out. Anyway this is a four chapter story but I really liked the way it turned out so I was thinking of maybe writing another story in this style but with a different storyline. Let me know what you think. By the way this was inspired by something that happened to me but it isn't written based on that it just kind of shaped the storyline if that makes sense, but this wasn't written from my point of view.**

**Please Read, Review, and Enjoy

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**DISCLAIMER: I Do Not Own NARUTO

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Wrap me in always,  
and drag me in with maybes  
Your innocence is treasure,  
your innocence is death  
Your innocence is all I have  
Breathing underwater,  
and living under glass  
And if you spin your love around  
The secrets of your dreams  
You may find your love is gone  
And is not quite what it seemed  
-Thru The Eyes of Ruby by The Smashing Pumpkins

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A Heart That Hurts

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_Dear Gaara,_

_It's been days since we've talked now, to me it feels like years. I fear you've forgotten me. Yet I could never forget you. When I wake up, I wonder what you are doing and when I fall asleep I hope I am in your mind. Somehow I convince myself I am. Deep down I know I would be the last thing you would be thinking about._

_I cried when you told me about her and in all honesty I have to fight the urge to cry as I write this. To tear my heart out like that, with those words you delivered so easily I should have hated but instead I hated myself for not being good enough for you, for allowing myself to fall for you, for letting you hurt me and most of all I hated myself because I didn't have you and without you I seemed worthless even of my own acknowledgment._

_Breathing is hard sometimes, as stupid as it sounds to call a simple life function difficult, for me it has become a struggle. In a flash in the least expected way I'll be reminded of you, not that you aren't always plaguing my thoughts, but if it catches me off guard I'm not quick enough to stop it overwhelming me._

_That's when I can't breathe._

_It's almost the same sensation as drowning except it leaves me feeling empty and unlike when I was rescued from the grasp of the water, I'm not left thanking God I'm alive. I'm left wishing I was dead so at least wouldn't have the deal with this anymore._

_I find myself, sometimes scrolling through my phone book to find your number and once or twice before I can pull myself from the trance that the opportunity to talk to you puts me under I press down on the button and have to cancel the call before it connects._

_I dream of your voice most nights, others I dream of you and her. I stare at her pictures and search for what she has that I don't. The only answer I can come up with is: you._

_Love Hinata._

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**I hope you liked it.  
Until Next Time, Seeya**


	2. Letter 2: By Starlight

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**** I'm not apologizing for not updating this story. There are things that happen and I can't be in a writing mood all the time but you don't have to worry about that anymore because I'm definitely going to finish this really short story.**

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**DISCLAIMER: I Do Not Own NARUTO**

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By starlight I'll kiss you  
And promise to be your one and only  
I'll make you feel happy  
And leave you to be lost in mine  
And where will we go, what will we do?  
Soon said I, will know  
Dead eyes, are you just like me?  
Cause her eyes were as vacant as the seas  
Dead eyes, are you just like me?  
-By Starlight by The Smashing Pumpkins

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A Heart That Hurts

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Dear Gaara,

It's becoming harder. I didn't think it possibly could but now I struggle to break into tears when I see a couple on the street. This emotion that I welcomed into my life has overtaken me and corrupted everything I do.

I try desperately to convince myself I have gotten over you but I never was a good liar. I sit alone at night and compare these letters to tell you how I feel, some I even address. But I never dare send even one for fear that they will drive you even further away. Deprived of speaking to you though, I carry on writing.

I never thought I was a jealous person but I've never wanted something this bad before either. It hurts how little impact I have on your life now while you still keep precedence in mine.

I sometimes talk myself into thinking if I told you all of this then I would mean more to you. But I am sensible enough not to let it convince me. Time is just a void to fill so as to distract myself from you. Unsuccessfully, might I add. I focus desperately on other things but still my mind wanders back to you and what you could be doing. The most common thing I think about is whether you're with her. It leaves me gasping for air when I force myself to face the reality that you chose her and that I am now merely a part of your past, forgotten.

Smearing hateful profanities across my mind, I struggle to keep myself together, so deep is the desire to shatter.

Detaching myself from family and friends is my new medication and leaves me with time for you, for these words and for my regrets. Butterflies swagger through me if someone mentions your name only to be brutally massacred by the villain named rejection.

I fear now that I am merely a blemish on your record that you will cast to the back and never allow to bother you again.

Love Hinata.

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**To Be Continued…  
Until Next Time, Seeya**


	3. Letter 3: In The Arms of Sleep

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: This chapter is probably my favorite chapter in the story and I feel it really ties up what Hinata feels for Gaara leading up the the final chapter of the story.**

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**DISCLAIMER: I Do Not Own NARUTO**

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sleep will not come to this tired body now  
peace will not come to this lonely heart  
there are some things I'll live without  
but i want you to know that i need you right now  
i need you tonight  
i steal a kiss from his sleeping shadow moves  
cause I'll always miss him wherever he goes  
and I'll always need him more than he could ever need me  
i need someone to ease my mind  
but sometimes a someone is so hard to find  
and I'll do anything to keep him here tonight  
and I'll say anything to make him feel alright  
and I'll be anything to keep him here tonight  
cause i want you to stay, with me  
-In The Arms Of Sleep by The Smashing Pumpkins

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A Heart That Hurts

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Dear Gaara,

I can't call you mine. I can't hold you nor can I touch you. I can't kiss you, nor can I ever properly say that I love you, when your heart thinks of someone else. I see it now that my love for you is a foreseeable tragedy, but I can't help the fact that I'm in love with you and that is the honest and unshakeable truth.

I can't sleep at night knowing that you're probably lying with her in bed and I can't help but wish that was me lying there with you. I can never be at peace with the fact that you love her and that I will never be a part of your life. I have to live with the fact that I will never find anyone like you because no one like you exists. I want you to know these things. I want you to know that I need you in my life.

Before we crossed paths, in my mind love was stupid and meaningless, something that could only be real in fairy tales but you proved me wrong. I was forever changed because you decided to talk to me and acknowledge my existence. Because of you I was forever changed in a good way.

Over time I began to think love was an amazing feeling than can change you and affect your life in the greatest way possible. I was of course naïve and blinded by love. I was blinded to think that you would feel that way about me for even a second of your life. I was naive to think love was as sweet as chocolate, because chocolate can be bitter too.

I never knew love could hurt like this.

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**To Be Continued…  
Until Next Time, Seeya:) **


	4. Letter 4: Beautiful

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the final chapter of the story ****A Heart That Hurts****.**

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**DISCLAIMER: I Do Not Own NARUTO**

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And I'm sure you know me well,  
as I'm sure you don't  
But you just can't tell,  
who you'll love and who you won't  
Don't let your life wrap up around you  
Don't forget to call, whenever  
I'll be here just waiting for you  
I'll be under your stars forever  
Neither here nor there just right beside you  
I'll be under the stairs forever  
Neither here nor there just right beside you  
-Beautiful by The Smashing Pumpkins

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A Heart That Hurts

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Dear Gaara,

It has now become a question as to whether I am right to feel like this. I try to compare an understanding of why this affected me so much. I am afraid to say I still haven't found an answer.

It may seem stupid to others that I have never touched you and yet my whole purpose is to be able to. Or to be with you in some shape or form. The distance that parts us proved too much for you and you turned to her and yet for me it only serves to fuel the obsession that some may see as devalued by the distance and the circumstance I suffer each day.

The unreturned natures of what I feel for you may appear insincere and even unnatural but let me just clarify what I have been too scared to tell you clearly before.

If having an ocean separate us makes my love for you invalid, it won't stop me.

If you loving another girl causes my love to lose substance, it won't stop me.

If our lives shall never cross again, your name will forever be seared into me and I shall never stop loving you.

This struggle had only sealed my fate and I accept it now. Because the love that courses through my veins is all that keeps me alive.

Love Hinata.

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**This chapter marks the end of this story. I hoped you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  
Until Next Time, Seeya:)**


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